Apparently I hate myself

Every week I rant and vent about my awful job. I talk about how much I hate people, and working, and people, and life. So why then, would I apply for management? I don’t know, but I did. Maybe it was the visions of my own apartment and hundreds of moving boxes dancing in my head, visions of having no furniture, lying on the floor of my cheap, crappy apartment watching a mini television, or maybe it was the visions of opening an empty refrigerator because I would still be too broke to support myself.

Truth is, no good can come of me being a manager. I would work more, and make like maybe two dollars an hour more than I would after minimum wage fully increases. I suppose I would be able to finally move out because that’s an extra 300ish a month, but if I stay cooped up in my basement until I’m 27 maybe I won’t have so much debt. What good is being on my own if I can’t live well? But ranting about student debt and the lack of financial aid is for a different day, and a different blog. What I really came here to write about is what the hell I was thinking.

Well, fellow students reading this, I wasn’t. Even if my bitch of a boss says to herself, “Wow, Aubrie really has earned this (which I have), maybe I should turn this into corporate (which she won’t)” No one would respect me. Why should they? I would have been their coworker five minutes ago. No one would see me as higher than them, especially because I’m younger than most of them. Not that my age really defines that much because even the 16 year olds would just think my authority would be a joke.

I already have manager qualities, this meaning I snap on people who aren’t working because I’m not about to pick up their slack later. I have a type of seniority. On a quick count I have seen about 40 people get hired in and then leave, this is not even counting the people that where there before me and then left later. There are under ten people working now that were there before me, two are managers, but yet other people don’t see it that way. People don’t think “oh, she’s been here forever, she knows what she’s doing.” They think, “Oh she’s not a manager, so I don’t need to listen to her.” and If I become a manager that’s not going to change, it’s just going to adapt to “Well, she’s a lower level manager, she doesn’t really know what she’s talking about.” Or “She’s only been a manager for five minutes, I don’t really have to listen to her.”

Don’t I hate my job enough? Am I crazy to want to become a manager? Why did I even put in the application? Money, experience, and to torture myself would be the answers. Maybe I just needed something new, or maybe I really just want to punish myself, but it’s just an application, nothing has been done or said yet. So I guess we’ll see.